Comparisons Chart

Learning to distinguish healthy sexuality from other forms of sexual experience empowers you to bring healthy sex more into your own life and relationships. Below you will find a “comparisons” chart that contrasts “healthy sexuality” with a “sexual abuse and sexual addiction” perspective on sex. Pay attention to any items that concern or confuse you. You may want to discuss these with a friend, counselor, or health educator, to tease out the differences more. How you think about sex significantly effects how you and your partner will experience and feel about it.

Sexual Abuse and Addiction	Healthy Sex
Sex is uncontrollable energy	Sex is controllable energy
Sex is an obligation	Sex is a choice
Sex is addictive	Sex is a natural drive
Sex is hurtful	Sex is nurturing, healing
Sex is a condition for love or devoid of love	Sex is an expression of love
Sex is "doing to" someone	Sex is sharing with someone; sex is part of who I am
Sex is void of communication	Sex requires communication
Sex is secretive	Sex is private
Sex is exploitative	Sex is respectful
Sex is deceitful	Sex is honest
Sex benefits one person	Sex is mutual
Sex is emotionally distant	Sex is intimate
Sex is irresponsible	Sex is responsible
Sex is unsafe	Sex is safe
Sex has no limits	Sex has boundaries
Sex is power over someone	Sex is empowering
Sex requires a double life	Sex enhances who you really are
Sex compromises your values	Sex reflects your values
Sex feels shameful	Sex enhances self esteem

If you are concerned about pornography, you may want to look at the comparison chart we developed for recovering porn users. Entitled, “Do You Know The Difference?” it compares “porn-related sex” to “healthy sexuality.” This porn-oriented comparison chart is published in our book, “The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Understanding Problems Caused by Pornography” and is also available as a free poster that you can download on this site.

PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING

PART TWO: GUIDELINES

PART THREE: INSPIRATIONS